Yesterday was the saddest of days. The day we said our final goodbyes to my wonderful little sister. A day that will have a profound effect on me for a long time.
It got me reflecting on my Gran's funeral. Another day that also had a huge impact on me. But the two days couldn't have been more different.
My Grandma who passed a year ago. Her funeral small and insignificant. A little like her life. With just 9 people there - all immediate family- to close her 96 years on the planet. Years lived so quietly the pastor padded out her eulogy as best he could, but it was still a long life summarised in a few short minutes. A service so generic and impersonal for a woman difficult to get to know, and who we barely knew as dementia took hold of her final 2 decades. A life lacking in anecdotes, memories, joy, impact or legacy.
My sister's service and life were quite the opposite. A life cut horribly short at 31, but a life well lived. A life full of love and laughter and joy and so many wonderful memories. The eulogy could have gone on for hours with the tales and stories we could have shared. The service was personal and deeply touching and overwhelmingly wonderful. With about 200 people attending the service in the church, more watching online, and even more catching up on the recording, her impact and legacy isn't in any doubt.
But how do we move on these? A life cut short and a life lived small?
We choose to live well. And I don't mean suddenly spurring into a wild sequence of dramatic action and big change. Its not about climbing Everest, curing world hunger or travelling every continent.
Its the little every day things that make a life worth living.
To make memories.
To create experiences not buy things.
To scroll less and connect more.
To read books and watch films and learn skills and see art.
To spend more time getting lost in nature.
To do things because you want to and you enjoy them, without expectation or pressure be good.
To travel. Doesn't have to be far. Or with anyone. Just get out and see the world.
To not accept bad things. Bad food, bad wine, bad books, bad friendships, bad relationships, bad jobs, bad sex, bad anything.
To believe and stand up for your values.
To prioritise health. Boring maybe, but it's the only one you've got.
To nurture good times and create traditions. No matter how silly or small.
To make occasions out of birthdays. Every extra year we're given is a blessing worth celebrating.
To hold tight onto the people who are there for you, the ones you can rely on, the ones who make you belly laugh, the ones who make your life better.
To cut loose the ones who don't.
To treasure the really special ones.
To find out who you are, really. And make sure everyone knows the best you.
To cherish the little things. Cherish every god damn moment.
To lean into the things that positively challenge you.
To walk away from the things that negatively test you.
To change things that aren't lighting up your life.
To follow paths of curiosity and joy.
To go to therapy. There is no bad outcome to learning more about yourself.
To unapologetically take photos and videos.
To sentimentally collect momentos and souvenirs and stories.
To give generously. Time, money, skills, stories, anything.
To smile more.
To laugh more.
To be daft and silly more.
To not take things too seriously.
To not sweat the small stuff, but also set boundaries.
To tell people you love them. Tell them the impact they've had and the memories you treasure before it's too late.
To tell people if something is troubling you. Don't sit and simmer and let it consume you. Take action and do something about it or accept and move on.
To choose to put your own oxygen mask on first, but remember, sometimes, someone else's priorities will be bigger than your own.
To choose compassion over kindness.
To choose lifting others up not bringing them down.
To choose to not waste a moment, but also to rest well. Burn out is a waste of precious time.
To choose to live your life. On purpose.
That's what's next. To live and to live well.
Life's too damn short not to.
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